Holiday Anxiety and People Pleasing

People Pleasers & The Holidays

Cleveland Ohio

People Pleasers & The Holidays

What does the holiday season mean to you?

For some people, it’s presents, rich food, and gathering around. For people pleasers, it can feel like constant worries creeping in, a pit in the gut, and wondering what everyone thinks. And sometimes that’s before the holidays even begin!

My clients tell me the lead-up to holidays is just as stressful as the holidays themselves. There can be a lot of anticipatory anxiety about gathering together to celebrate, and people pleasers may feel an extra need to put others first.

With more friends and family gathering around, the prospect of making everyone happy can be overwhelming. And to people pleasers, that can mean trying to accommodate that by having fewer needs than other people.

Secret Thoughts of People Pleasers during Holidays

Some of these may resonate with you this season:

I rarely share gift ideas, even when asked, because I don’t want to seem ungrateful, materialistic,

or greedy.

I don’t feel comfortable telling people about food sensitivities or preferences.

I don’t want anyone to have to do more work or planning to meet my needs (but fine with other people needing accomodations).

I hate asking for travel accommodations because I don’t want anyone to be more stressed out because of me.

I feel disconnected from myself during the holidays because I want everyone to have a special time.

Family gatherings aren’t always fun because of how overwhelmed I feel with a range of personalities around me.

I feel guilty for not being able to just be present and enjoy my friends/family because I know other people don’t have that.

I feel guilty that I have the resources to have a holiday knowing other people have nothing.

I feel tense when it’s time for gifts because I don’t know if I’ve done enough for everyone.

I feel the need to perform/be extra expressive about my gifts even though it isn’t natural for me.

Underneath all of this tends to be a desire not to be a burden. Everyone is stressed about finishing work and planning for get-togethers, and you may feel like there isn’t enough space to have your own needs.

Benefits of Checking in With Yourself

So, you just decide to shove those needs down and handle them independently. This can look like not asking for gifts or making sure other people’s needs or

wants come first when planning events. It may also mean having trouble figuring out what you want for the season.

People pleasers can make things more comfortable by checking in with themselves. It can help to remember that you are just as important as everyone else is. It can also help to get a reminder that you are allowed to have needs and make the experience enjoyable for yourself. The holidays are for you, too!

You could try asking yourself the following questions:

What can I do to honor my own needs?

In what ways can I find comfort and make this time more enjoyable?

What portions of the holiday are the most stressful for me? Why?

How can I start to make a plan now to handle it in a healthier way this year?

Will keeping my distance from anyone in particular help me to feel emotionally safe and grounded?

Coping with Holiday Anxiety & People Pleasing

It can be hard to do, but it’s important to remind yourself that you’re important, too. You can try kindly reminding yourself of the following :

People genuinely want you in their lives because of who you are, not what you can do for them.

You are just as lovable when you voice concerns/needs.

Voicing concerns/needs doesn’t make you less likable.

Holidays are a joy when they’re a joy for everyone (including you) !

These thoughts don’t always come naturally to people pleasers, but that’s alright.

People pleasing is a tough habit to break, and it comes from a place of wanting other people to be comfortable. It’s also natural that it can be harder to fight people pleasing tendencies when there are more people around. But your needs and wants are just as important, and you’re allowed to have them.

Healing People Pleasing

If you’re local to Cleveland, OH, and are ready to tackle these issues this holiday season, I am ready to work with you. I offer virtual therapy for people pleasers across Ohio. Check out my about my or fill out a contact form here

If this article describes you well, it may be worth finding a therapist whether that is me or someone else!