The Power of Self Expression: Barbie Healing for People Pleasers
Barbie Healing for People Pleasers
This month has been an unexpected whirlwind of healing in subtle but meaningful ways for me! It may seem cliche and very “of the times” but I truly believe the Margot Robbie & Greta film, Barbie is a film for some communal healing. Tough concepts are explored in this movie related to women’s challenges. The difficulty of simply existing in this world as a women was even acknowledged as “an eerily violent undertone”.
The whimsy and message of the film only intensified for me after a friend invited me to see Six The Musical when she had a spare ticket. I didn't expect to leave the theater feeling a sense of empowerment and community with the women. Tears of connection were flowing when we joined a dance party in the theater. Joy filled the room as we all danced to powerful women centric artists.
One change from the experience that I didn’t expect was the way I physically started showing up. It seemed the following week, I had a confusing and new urge for what seemed like “frivolous things” that got me excited.
Instead of throwing on my usual sweatpants, I was randomly yearning to express myself through my physical presentation. Not for any specific reason or event, but just as mindfulness practice. I knew I wanted to FEEL a certain way. I also felt so annoyed that I was previously not wearing my clothes because I was worried about getting them dirty. Given, I love wearing white and it's 90% of my closet. I feel like myself when I wear light and simple colors. I usually wear my items for special events that are “worth” getting ready for and are just a few hours where I feel like I can keep the clothing nice.
Joyfully Frivoulous & Feminine
I think I am sick of the following
1
waiting to use the nice things
2
thinking that comfort is only achieved in loungewear
3
seeing certain “women’s interests” in the societal lens of “being frivoulous”
If you know me, you know that one of my favorite books of all time is Joyful by Ingrid Fetell Lee. I was in Colorado with my partner at the time on a vacation. We LOVE stopping by book stores and picking up a read for the trip. I had 5 books in my hand and needed to only choose one for the sake of traveling light. What I landed on was Joyful, like I mentioned. I didn't know what I was signing up for! Being a therapist, the psychology section is where I linger every time I am in a bookstore. Expecting to open a book about the psychology of the emotion Joy, I was shocked to find I was reading a book on INTERIOR DESIGN? What?!
At the time, I didn’t have a single cell in my body that was interested in this. Little did I know, it would become one of my favorite hobbies ever! Little did I know, I actually WAS always interested in design from the time I was a child but didn’t even notice. As a kid, I would spend hours rearranging my room to make it feel fresh, new, novel, and clean. Reclaiming this lost love has been so wonderful for my quality of life.
Living In a Man’s World
Joyful is a brilliant work of art in which a female designer opens the book with a discussion related to how colonialism and puritan culture ruined design - as well as many other things that are more obvious. The “elevated” style of neutral tones was a response to seeing other cultures as “less civilized” than their own. It was based on xenophobia. This has only expanded into sexism as women entered the fashion and design industries. These industries and topics are seen as “frivolous, vain, and unimportant” but this couldn’t be further from the truth! In the book, she unravels research related to the psychological needs and benefits of cultivating meaning through design. I highly suggest reading this book for all of the nuggets of wisdom. Right now, I am sitting in a little breakfast nook I rearranged over the weekend. It feels cozy, warm, and inviting. Because of this - I am able to write this post without much effort because I am enjoying just being here.
Embracing and expressing yourself through visual aspects IS valid. It isn’t a requirement. This is actually where grunge style roots came from, it was a political expression that opposed capitalism and consumerism. Personally, I see the value in the message and believe you can be sustainable, while also being aligned with your own values and style.
Feminism & People Pleasing
This all leads me back to pleasing people! Would it surprise you to know the FAWN response, is one that tends to be seen more in women? For nearly all of history, women existed as an afterthought to men. They were there to be helpers, caregivers, and homemakers to facilitate men remaining in power. Generation after generation, some women recieved the message that keeping themselves safe in these uneven powerdynamics can occur through pleasing and appeasing. It still continues to be reinforced to this day! Messages like “be nice, be kind, be helpful” are overemphasized to those who identify as female.
This needs to be said before moving on from this point : Women did the bulk of the emotional & household labor and even now, women are still taking on the role of default parents while also being in the workforce.
A Healing & Mindful Challenge for People Pleasers
People pleasers tend to “fly under the radar”, avoid being a spectacle, and sometimes go their whole lives without being truly seen. It breaks my heart thinking about how long some people wait to heal when healing means finally LIVING your life. People pleasers mold to the expectations of people around them. Over time they lose sight of who they are, what they want, and their own identity. As a recovered person pleaser myself, it took me a long time to be comfortable being truly seen for who I am. I want all people pleasers everywhere to be able to find their voice and their identity without the guilt tied to it! For me, starting to show up as who I am has looked like taking the time to get ready and express myself based on how I feel day to day.
I want to extend the challenge to you! If you could express yourself how you TRULY wanted without repercussions, what would your life look like?
What would you wear?
What would you say?
Where would you go?
Who would you surround yourself with?
It is all possible with healing! If you are looking for a people pleasing therapist and live in Ohio, I would love to work with you! Let’s schedule a free intro call! Click HERE to learn more about Carley Trillow and therapy!
